


For The Record

by Guinevak



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Everybody Lives, F/M, Gen, Memory Loss, Misunderstandings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, tiny ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23521591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guinevak/pseuds/Guinevak
Summary: “Yeah,” he says. “I’m missing a lot, too.”“Well you were missing a lot ofbloodat the time, at least you’ve an excuse.”
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 10
Kudos: 56
Collections: Party in the GFFA: Star Wars Flash Exchange 2020





	For The Record

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lady_needless_litany](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_needless_litany/gifts).



It’s strange, Jyn thinks, how little she remembers of Scarif. She has a few rags of sense-memory: the moment of cold vertigo before she began to climb, the blinding glare of white sun on white sand, Cassian’s unsteady weight against her side. She remembers his eyes like a frightened child’s as he turned back to her in the vault. She remembers thinking with idiotic rage, _I’ll fucking reset your fucking *mother*, you glitchy bastard._

The medics say that’s normal. Jyn says that’s a piss-poor design choice on the part of human evolution. Cassian, when she relates the whole conversation to him later, exhales sharply in what sounds like an irritated sigh, but which she’s long since realized is Cassian catching himself before he laughs.

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m missing a lot, too.”

“Well you were missing a lot of _blood_ at the time, at least you’ve an excuse.”

He makes that noise again, and this time she catches the smile before he tucks it away again.

They walk a little way in silence. He’s moving stiffly today, because of the damp weather; her own joints are aching a bit. There are probably better climates for a couple of worn-out old soldiers, but Jyn doesn’t want to leave these cloudy skies, these green sloping fields. Not yet.

“Why did you…” she begins, and then stops again. It’s a question that’s waited for years now, and she still doesn’t know how to ask it, but suddenly, looking at the white clouds rolling low overhead, she’s tired of waiting. “What you said, there on the beach. That last thing.”

“I don’t remember.”

She eyes him, but he doesn’t look blank or bewildered, the way he does when he’s playing dumb. He’s frowning slightly, brows pinched together in a way that always makes her want to reach up and press her thumb there. 

“You said…” Her throat is tight for some reason. Probably another cold coming on; she gets them a lot lately, it’s the damp. Cassian says nothing. “Never mind.”

“I really don’t,” he says after a moment. “It’s just - gone. Sorry.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jyn shrugs, clearing her throat. “I know why you said it, really.”

“Now I’m curious.”

Damn. Damn, and damn.

She draws a breath, and makes herself say it before she can lose her nerve: “You told me my father would be proud of me, even though how the hell could you know, and it didn’t matter anyway but we were going to die and you wanted to be kind because you always want to be kind, that’s all.” Her voice sounds hard, as if she’s angry with him, and she’s not, it’s only that she needs to get the words out and be done, but she hears his breath catch and she plunges on. “That’s all. It’s fine, I told you it didn’t matter, I just didn’t know if—”

“Jyn.”

He has always been able to stop her with a word, with her name spoken as though it’s full of meaning. With a hand laid lightly against her shoulder, warm through the light weave of her jacket. Jyn pulls a horrible face, crossing her arms tightly, and mumbles, “Don’t worry about it.”

The clouds are moving faster now. A first sprinkle of rain prints dark speckles onto the trail at their feet.

“That’s not why,” Cassian says.

She straightens to glare at him. “You said you didn’t remember.”

“I don’t, but - that wasn’t why. I wouldn’t—” His jaw tenses briefly. “I wouldn’t have wanted to lie to you.”

The breeze is cold on the back of her neck. Jyn looks away.

“So if I said that,” his tone is careful now, hesitant, “it’s because I believed it.”

She keeps her eyes fixed on the deep damp grass fringing the trail, but the ground feels unsteady under her feet. She lets herself lean into him, into his spare, solid warmth, with a tiny sigh.

“We’d better get back,” she says, and feels his arm settle around her, pulling her closer, as he turns toward home.

**Author's Note:**

> apparently I am a dumbass who got the deadline completely wrong??? so WHOOPS this is totally unbetaed and probably terrible, i apologize. orz


End file.
